they say that deaths come in threes

well if that's true than i'm done with death for a good long time. while i was home in new jersey at the end of may one of my brother's good friends was killed in a car accident and my grandpa ange (a old friend of the family) also passed away. this week it was effion. all three were people that i wasn't particularly close to or hadn't seen in a long time, but still, all three deaths were upsetting. i think what helps me most in this type of situation is being surrounded by friends and love. after all, what more could anyone else ask for? it is also nice to look back on good memories and happy times. so here we go on a short trip down memory lane....

i knew dustin because he swam at the pool were i was a lifeguard for five years. he was also on the swim team with my little brothers. on the hottest days of the summer, he and his friends would compete to see who could make the biggest splash jumping into the pool, and also who could splash the lifeguard the most. a great game when you're sitting in the hot sun for an hour at a time.

my grandpa ange was not really my grandpa but he and his wife were good friends of my grandma from when they were all young together. he would come and visit and draw pictures for us and write in caligraphy. i still have a drawing of one of my fluffies that he made on my wall in my bedroom in new jersey. he also liked to see the wild turkeys and deer that would come hang out in the backyard.

effion i didn't really know very well at all. i knew him from sotr 2004 when he was in that play with ram and gerrit. therefore, my best memory of effion: "genus five!" still a shock to learn that he is gone.

i guess i don't understand suicide. i don't understand what could drive a person to take his or her own life. i don't understand how anyone can believe that their life will never change, never get better, is not worth living. it seems almost selfish to take one's own life. then again, i am relatively naive and have little experience with these sorts of things.

at any rate, those who have gone will be missed and remembered happily.

and the other point is, no one remotely close to me is allowed to die anytime soon.

now it's time for me to get to bed. although i'm now pretty creeped out about sleeping on my mattress on the floor of the sunroom by myself with only fluffies for protection and snuggles.

fluffies are much better than nothing. and they will never die.