philosphical ramblings

sidenote: i've given up on the bridget jones style update thing for the moment. it will probably be back soon.

anyway, last week i saw the movie "match point" (not a good movie in my opinion; don't bother to see it). then i read a review of it in the yale newspaper and agreed with most of it: bad acting, unprofessional, cheap camera angles, etc. but one thing that i found interesting about the review was that it equated the main character in the movie to the main character of camus' "the stranger" which is all about existentialism, for anyone who didn't know that. this all got me thinking about life in general. most of the following is pretty dumb, but it's on my mind at the moment.

my understanding of existentialism (which i don't really like, by the way) is that the whole point of life is just to exist and there really is no point to it all. like, who cares what you do because in the end it doesn't matter at all. so what is the point of life if there is one? religion in a general sense says the point is to do good and end up in heaven or a better place or whatever. the ultimate goal is to be with your god/creator/big important guy. science/evolution in a general sense says the point is to survive out the other guys. so the whole point of existance is to survive and reproduce. but to what end? what does it matter? perhaps there really is no point and all of human existance is just one big crazy coincidence of events with no real purpose. although that may be true in a large sense, i still think it is important for individuals to have a point to living, some ultimate goal, or a series of small goals, whatever. that's why we have religion, that's why we belive in some higher power. it gives us a purpose. now, an individual's purpose for being here doesn't have to be some religous reason, to get to heaven or wherever, but some goal to keep him/herself going. it kind of seems redundant (? i'm not sure if that's really the word i mean to use here) but if there's no purpose, then what's the point? that's why, although i'm not a religous person at all, i still strive for a greater understanding of what life is. it's why i'm interested in biology, and more specifically interested in the nervous system, brains, how we think, learn, form memories, and have emotions. i don't think the ultimate goal of human existance is not to learn about ourselves, but it's something that i'd like to do and it's something that keeps me going each day. it's either that or planning what i'm going to cook for dinner each night. sometimes i'm not entirely sure which. obviously i think there are other important things out there as well, like music, art, theatre, i want to fall in love someday and get married and have kids, and share my experiences in the world with others. it also helps to think that i'm not alone in this whole existance thing. i have others to share my musings and stupid ideas with, and it's why i think being alone is so scary and awful. yeah. so i guess that's my purpose in life. to learn and love. now it sounds really cheesy. (or like that idea that matt heap always stressed about characters in shows.... what's your "to verb"? i can't remember the word he actually used which is annoying.)

anyway, enough stream of conciousness stupid rambling. i should probably go to bed soon. i'll stay up and read for a bit though, to try to be able to successfully sleep through the sunrise instead of being awakened by it and tossing and turning all morning. having finished the book that brad lent me about non-biological intelligence and the approaching spirituality, i am now reading a book about brains and genetics and environment and what makes people have the personalities they do. it's kind of interesting but not all that good, mostly because they assume the audience doesn't have any kind of background in biology (what is dna??). once i ignore the stupid explanations though, it is informative.

i kept typing.

in other news i'm excited for the superbowl, i'm slowly getting fatter, and i think i'm going deaf in my right ear. sigh.

goodnight fluffies.