in kindergarten they tell you that everyone is special

what i big fat lie. i feel completely useless, taken advantage of, taken for granted, and generally invisible. not special. what a fucked up little world we live in. thank goodness i'm going away for the weekend, and then graduating in may. as long as i get into some grad school, i have a ticket out.

at this point, my brain has stopped trying to understand anything anymore, so i'm just numb. mediocre, underappreciated, boring, just "nice", quiet and numb.

at least my tummy doesn't hurt anymore.

what is going on??