some random musings....

-i did it! i started my own a capella group. it has 8 people in it and our first rehearsal is next wednesday. now all we need is a name.

-i'm really tired of dealing with crazy people, so i'm not going to anymore.

-i miss sleeping in a bed with someone. it's always nice to do that and my big bed is wonderfully comfy but lonley.

-i hate being asked what i am thinking.

-my experiments in lab are going well. or at least i get consistent results sort of.

-i found a recording of ben folds and rufus wainwright singing "careless whispers" together at some concert last summer. i need to go see ben in concert again soon.

-boys are stupid.

-i hope people from pittsburgh can actually come visit at the end of the month. i should call them and see what's up with that.

-yeah.

-fluffies.

dunkin donuts had no donuts! doh!

after going dancing at hula hanks (the most rediculous bar ever) last night, we went to dunkin donuts, but they had no donuts!!! wtf!?!?! craziness.

the yale harvard game was fun, except for the cold and the fact that we suck. but beer before noon and free food is always a good thing. so yay.

i had an interesting night on thursday. i'm not sure what to think about all that. and i'm not posting details either.

today i will watch part of the stillers game if they actually show it on tv. and i'm going to the gym with carolyn and rajini. i swear i'm actually going to the gym. i promise.

random thought: one of the best moments in life is when you get up out of bed real early in the morning to use the bathroom and it's cold. and then you crawl back under the covers and it's all nice and warm and snuggly and you get to sleep for 3-4 more hours. that is amazing.

now, how much of this random post does brad already know? my guess is about 50%.

fluffies say "HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!!"

hey blog

i haven't posted to you in a while. unfortunately i don't have time for a real post right now because i have genetics class (sucks!!) soon. so here's an update in list form....

what have i done over the past few weeks?

1. last week i watched 3 movies, a lot more than usual
2. my parents came and brought me my sewing machine and pumpkin mush
3. i went to the gym twice!
4. i bought the 2nd and 3rd seasons of the simpsons on dvd
5. i started sewing a dress
6. i met a nice boy at an 80's party and then went out for coffee with him (some details: matt, first year grad student, poly sci, cute, from southern il, went to northwestern, involved in theater in hs, govt in college, hasn't read hp, likes the same movies and music as me)
7. hp4 is tomorrow and i am so excited!!!
8. the yale v. harvard game is saturday and we are starting to party at like 10am or something crazy like that! woohoo!
9. i might go see rent on sunday, maybe
10. thanksgiving is next week, how crazy is that?? i have to take the train to my grandma's house in upstate ny. but to do that i get to take the train from new haven to grand central and then from grand central to pooghkeepsie. stupid trains.
11. i am making pumpkin bread and cookies and banana bread to bring to thanksgiving because my dadoo said i have to.
12. i am presenting my lab rotation research (non-results) on dec 5
13. my a capella group thing may actually happen! auditions are going to be the week after thanksgiving and so far i have three (!!!) people who are interested in auditioning! plus me and diana who are organizing it and we'll have half a group! hooray!!
14. tonight carolyn's sister is coming to visit so we are going out to dinner and then $1 drinks at bar, and i'm making people stop by matt's (aforementioned nice boy) party in his dorm room tonight that he is holding because he is leaving for thanksgiving tomorrow.
15. classes continue to be easy and stupid. i'm definitely not taking tom pollard's methods in biochem class next semester because it will be the same crap as physical biochem and who would ever want to repeat that. ugh.
16. it's still somewhat warm in new haven. on tuesday night it was about 60 degrees. crazy weather. aparently it might snow in pgh today. ha ha sucks to be in pgh.
17. my stomach keeps flip-flopping over things that it should no longer flip about. i am just stupid sometimes. stop being stupid!!!!!
18. one of the movies that i saw last week was pride and prejudice and that was very good. i'd like to see the bbc version sometime and read the book of course.
19. i'm not sure how i feel about the lab that i am currently working in. i might end up staying here but i don't think so. i just don't know where else i'll go. good thing i have two more rotations!
20. i think i've run out of interesting things. my life is still pretty boring, but looking up recently. so that's good at least. and lots of excitement over the next few days! hooray!

time for genetics! not hooray!

fluffies.

highlight of my day

the cute bartender at gpscy remembered that i like whiskey sours.

and my pcr worked.

that's about it.

sad existence.

can't sleep, this is bothering me

yale has fantastic science. i mean, i'm currently at one of the top biology programs in the country. and that's great. biological research is what i want to do. it's why i'm here.

but it isn't enough. the other reason i decided to come to yale instead of a number of other places was because i thought i would have other opportunities outside of science. opportunities to be involved in theater and music and art, things that have been the other half of my life for as long as i can remember.

but new haven and yale don't actually hold those opportunities. sure i can try to audition for plays that the undergrad dramat group does. but the competition is too fierce and i'm not that good. i can try to audition for the grad student a capella group, but the turnover of members is too slow, and they just don't need more female singers. so in the end, all i get is the science. and that's not enough.

that's why i'm bored all the time and i feel like i have nothing exciting to look forward to each day. i don't look forward to the end of the work day, because there's nothing at the end. i go home and do nothing. sure i like being in lab, and i sort of look forward to going to do experiments i guess, but it's not the same. this is why i'm upset. this is why i'm always mad at certain people in pittsburgh, because they have the opportunities to continue with their lives and move on to better and more exciting things and i feel stuck. with nothing to balance out the science and labwork, i become a cranky, depressed, and irrational person. i get upset over really stupid things.

i don;t think this is something specific to yale, unfortunately. i'd probably be feeling the same way if i had gone to ucsf or penn or duke or wherever. i don;t know what to do. i don;t know where to find my other half, my balance, my whatever i need to survive.

the problem is, if i decide that this is so awful and i can't deal with it and leave, i have no where else to do that would solve this problem. sure i could take a year off and go home, but i'd go crazy there too. at least here i still have the biology to think about.

i feel like the only thing i look forward to is going out with friends and drinking. which makes me feel like an alcoholic. which sucks.

sorry, i just had to get that all out. maybe now i'll be able to fall asleep. but probably not.

i don't know. somebody help me out of this awful pit of despair i'm in. find me something to care about.

why is it that i can't be satisfied with the status quo here at yale?

sometimes i really hate it here. help me out please.

i need to go to bed and wake up and feel better tomorrow. we'll see if that actually happens or not.

poop on you.